Marriage Counselling: Working On Your Communication

Article by Dave Taylor

In many troubled marriages, one spouse may be not eager to seek marriage counseling from a professional therapist for whatever reason. The willing spouse can still decide to seek guidance from a marriage counselor because of her – we shall assume that the wife is the willing spouse although husbands have also been known to seek professional help – desire to improve her marriage. We must emphasize that doing so is not necessarily an admission of guilt for causing the troubles in the marriage, for seeking sympathy from an outsider, or for assigning blame to the spouse.

Instead, your choice to seek marriage counseling is about changing the only person you have the power to change “yourself” and about taking control of your own life. You are essentially trying to find out how to save your marriage better, how to act so that better communication is achieved, and how to become a better person.

Hopefully, by changing how you deal with your relationship, you can make positive changes for both you and your spouse. Think of it as the power of one.

Keep in mind that marriage counseling emphasizes appropriate actions to initiate positive change even if it means said actions are initially one-sided. Action is always the key to positive change so take action now and reap the benefits in time together with your spouse. Yes, it is best when your spouse can attend the marriage counseling sessions but don’t push the issue just yet because you can neither control nor be held accountable for your spouse’s actions.

One of the most common reasons individuals seek marriage counseling alone is that dialogues including big fights, petty quarrels and calm conversations have been unsuccessful in stopping destructive patterns. Again, dialogues between are good but concrete approaches are the key to making the desired positive changes – words can often hurt instead of heal.

With marriage counseling sessions, you will know the appropriate actions to approach the destructive patterns plaguing your relationship. You will be taught how to be a transformational agent by learning to change the internal dynamics of your relationship, by providing useful insights into your own approach, and by understanding your spouse’s point of view. You will be a changed person, hence, a better individual after your marriage counseling sessions.

Nonetheless, you must work with the marriage counselor in making the desired positive changes. There’s only so much that an experienced professional therapist can do for you if and when you are so stubbornly set in your ways. You must approach each session with an open heart and an open mind to see where your own fault lies instead of always trying to find fault with your partner.

Indeed, individual marriage counseling sessions have great value. In time, you may even be able to persuade your spouse to go for individual as well as couples therapy sessions, thus, multiplying the positive effects of your own marriage counseling time.

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