Low Self Esteem? 3 Ways To Raise It And Improve Your Marriage.

Article by Shevach Pepper

Low self esteem kills a marriage. How does it do this? Firstly, the spouse that suffers from low self esteem doesn’t feel like they are able to contribute to the relationship so…, they don’t. It isn’t easy to stay in a one sided relationship.

Secondly, someone who suffers from low self esteem takes even slight criticism very personal. This causes their spouse to be super careful of what they say. The inability to express your thoughts is not one of the main ingredients of a good marriage.

Read on to find out 3 types of faulty thought patterns, identified by Dr. A. Beck, that cause low self esteem and, far more important how to deal with and help change them.

1. Feeling are perceived as facts. This is a common thought pattern that damages a person’s self esteem. It goes like this, “I feel that I’m worthless so I must be worthless.” After he has concluded AS A “FACT” that he is worthless, whatever he does is now seen through the lenses of being worthless. He then becomes stuck with his low self esteem and it gets lower and lower.

The way to challenge this damaging thought is to ask them to think of a time when what they felt was totally wrong. (maybe they felt that they wouldn’t get a job and in the end they did get it, or they felt that they would flunk a test and in the end they got a good mark).

Don’t expect, though, that once you prove to them that their feelings can be wrong and playing tricks on them that they will agree with you and their their self esteem will soar. This is not going to happen. It takes a long time for a person to change his thinking patterns and replace a low self esteem with a more realistic one.

2. Should and must statements. A person who thinks that the world or his life should be a certain way is prone to losing his self esteem. The reason for this is because their picture of this “certain” way is usually something close to perfection. In reality, however, everybody’s life has “ups and downs”.

If you detect in yourself or in your loved one this type of thinking then ask, “Think hard if you REALLY know someone who has no problem at work or at home?” Or the converse, “Think of someone who you feel is a good successful person and think if they only had success in their life, or did they also experience hard times.

3. Labeling. This means that you define who you are according to what you did (or didn’t do). If your wife forget to do something that you asked her to do and you became upset than you think that you are a “control freak”. (Don’t laugh, I know people like this.)

Listen to such a statement and when you hear it, point out to them that no one is ONLY a control freak. They might also be caring, a Yankee fan, an avid reader, etc. Help them to realize that they are much more complex than one bad trait (especially if it happens only once in a while) and this will help them to begin to build their self esteem.

Low self esteem can ruin a matter. However there are ways to raise a person’s self esteem. Try some of the methods above, have patience, and improve your marriage.

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For more than 35 ways to improve self esteem, stop depression, and improve your marriage click on this link “Improve Self Esteem And Improve Your Marriage”

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