Improving Your Marriage Can Be a Spectator Sport: 3 Quick & Easy Tips for Increasing Intimacy with Your Husband
Article by Nina Roesner
Improving Your Marriage Can Be a Spectator Sport: 3 Quick & Easy Tips for Increasing Intimacy with Your Husband
By Nina Roesner
Janis fought the urge to go inside. Her cookies waited; baking sheets, food coloring and powdered sugar beckoned her from inside. But still she sat on the stool in her husband’s workshop, sipping her coffee while he ran the belt sander over the wood. Occasionally Bob would look up at her and smile, then go back to his task. Three times he asked her to do something; refreshing his coffee, finding a Phillips head screwdriver, handing him his safety goggles all drew but brief conversation from his lips. Finally after an hour, he was done for the day. “Thanks for being out here with me, honey. I really enjoyed your company,” he told her, smiling. “I had a great time,” she replied. What mystery of man had she uncovered? A very simple one indeed – her spouse, not unlike many men, spells “love,” “t – i – m – e.”
Tip #1: “Watch Me!”
One of the most common phrases out of any little boy’s mouth is, “Watch me!” Men are wired from birth to desire spectators – think sporting events. So if your husband has a chore to do, do it with him! Find a way to hand him tools if he’s repairing a faucet, hold the flashlight while he works on the garbage disposal, or chop some vegetables while he’s making dinner. Your role may not be very productive in your mind, but research shows that men like to be admired – one of the simple ways wives can communicate that admiration is to be shoulder to shoulder with their husbands in activities.
Tip #2: Let Him Lead His Way
Sandra caused a huge conflict when she started telling her husband how to build a bookshelf they had picked up from the store. “He and I had different ways of doing it; mine was to follow the directions, his was to follow his head. Once I figured out he was trying to outsmart the guy who had written the directions, like it was some competitive thing, I shut up and let him do it his way and we got along better. I couldn’t look at the directions though! We ended up with the bookshelf built, and it really didn’t matter how we got there.” Be wise about what hill you choose to die on when it comes to your husband – you may be right, but is it worth the cost?
Tip #3: Be Grateful
Kim’s husband died last year, and she misses the hours she sat near him while he fished. “I eventually took up the sport with him because it gave me something to do, but he always let me know how much he valued my presence when he was on the lake. He just wanted me with him, and doing that several times a week made our years together just beautiful. Sure, I sometimes wished I was getting something done or doing something I really enjoyed, and I can’t say as I really understand why he liked it so much, but Thomas just wanted me around, and now that he’s gone, I can look at those times and really smile, knowing my husband enjoyed my company.”
Bottom Line: Spend time hanging out with your husband on his terms and be a spectator. It requires very little effort on your part and results in the huge dividend of friendship!
About the Author
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Nina Roesner left a leadership position in the largest training corporation in the world to write and deliver courses for people of faith at a fraction of the cost of what the same high caliber of training goes for in the marketplace. Find out what works!